Parenting - an acquired skill?

In today's world, there is an entrance test or an interview that needs to be passed for most anything - from a toddler wanting to get into kindergarten...to a XII standard student looking for admission into tuition classes (yes, even those have entrance exams now!) ....to, of course, adults looking for jobs.

But, ironically, one adult job which does not require any such test, also happens to be one of the most important jobs that many of us do- Parenting.

Why doesn't nature require some mental/emotional readiness for becoming a parent, just like she demands physical readiness?

Parenting, it seems to me, is becoming quite a specialized skill, at least in certain societies. I may be mistaken, but it seems to me that in earlier generations, parents did not have to be as conscious of their parenting skills as we do today, and sort-of raised children as a matter of course. However, today, there's so much analysis out there on what parents should do and not do with their children, that we tend to question ourselves frequently on the stance we take with our children on various things, how we interact with them, what we expose them to, etc. And, it is really difficult to measure how well we are doing, given that each child is a human being in their own right. Using the child's "success" or "failure" in life (assuming we can decide on how we measure that!) as a yardstick for deciding how well the parents did, doesn't seem like the right thing, since there are so many other factors that go into a child's development.

Like most skills, some folks are certainly more adept at parenting than others. In the film "Ijaazat", when Rekha starts managing Naseeruddin Shah's household from day one after their marriage, he makes a comment to the effect - "tum to ekdum professional housewife ho"! ("you are a professional housewife"!!). In my view, in a similar way, some folks are "professional parents". From day one, they are conscious of what they need to do as parents and do all things right for their child - food, clothes, school, habits, extra-curricular activities, etc.

However, the rest of us who are more like "amateur parents", who lack that in-built skill or training, try and learn on the job, with an evolving trial-and-error process. That's when one wishes that someone had made us take a 3-year course on parenting and made us pass an exam on the do's and dont's, before we took on the job.

On the other hand, the thought of special training in parenting sounds so ridiculous, when you think of the whole animal kingdom taking parenting in its stride, and following its natural instincts in raising its young!! Why has human parenting become much more of an acquired skill, rather than a natural instinct?!!

Edited to add: Shruthi's Law of Parenting in Shruthi's blog aptly expresses my thoughts too. I'd imagined that parenting would get easier as your babies got older, but it doesn't..... - it continues to evolve and change in degrees and you continue growing with your children, but I don't think it gets easier.

Rani's school excursion

Today, my 11-year-old daughter, nicknamed Rani for this blog, is off on a two-day excursion organized by her school. This is the first time she is out on an overnight trip that is not with the family (us!).

Since last year, I have wanted her to go on a trip like this, as it's a wonderful experience at her age, to go travelling with your friends. In addition to the fun you have, it gives you a healthy sense of independence and the confidence that you can take care of yourself even when your parents are not around. Since I had experienced it myself by going on a summer school trip for 2 weeks when I was the same age, I wanted her to have a similar experience (although hers is a much shorter trip!).

So, when her school informed us about this planned excursion last month, I was as excited as her! I wondered at the fact that I didn't feel too worried about her going off like this for the first time. Perhaps, when it came closer to the trip I may start feeling more worried, I thought.... But no, right up to the time that she left this morning, the feeling of anticipation and excitement that I was feeling on her behalf didn't reduce, and no kind of worry or anxiety crept in. I do hope these positive feelings are justified, and that she comes back having enjoyed the trip and looking forward to more such excursions. If so, I would definitely like to send her on some of the private camping and trekking tours that get organized these days for children of her age.

The one thing that I am concerned about, is her ability to take care of her things properly, especially the camera that we have sent with her. We gave her so many warnings and instructions about taking good care of the camera, that when she was being dropped by her dad, she asked him - "What's the first question you are going to ask me when I return - how am I or how's the camera?!!"

Well, let's see how it goes. She is due back tomorrow evening. Meanwhile, her younger sister, Pari, got invited to her aunt's house today, so we've gotten a rare quiet day to ourselves!!